Uh-oh: As Told by Ted the Gray

Uh-oh 

As told by Ted the Gray

Translated from squirrelish by G.H. Goins

Life is not easy. Life is like this long hike and you never know when the trail will just stop. Well, the trail stopped for my friend today. His name was Carl. If I’m being honest, he lasted longer than I expected. Life is dangerous. Especially my life. I always have to be on the lookout for the giant birds, the hungry house lions, the gangly, tall, featherless, flightless birds that we call humans. Humans are dumb though. They are what make our difficult life interesting. They make life fun. They give our lives meaning. Yes, what we do is dangerous, as my friend found out today, but life wouldn’t be fun if there wasn’t just a little risk involved, right?

We call this game, “Uh-oh.” 

The rules are simple. Let’s say, for this example, that I am the one playing uh-oh. I talk to my friends and I tell them, “I bet fifty acorns that I can stay out there for two minutes and two seconds.” They tell me, “Fifty acorns says you can’t.” Then I go out there on the Rolly Way, as we call it. The humans come out of their nests and get into their rollies, then they come out on to the Rolly Way and the rollies take them away from their nests. If you’ve never seen a rolly, it’s important that you know that these things roll fast. They can run faster than me, even if I were running from a hungry house lion. 

Anyway, the game Uh-oh is played to see how long the athlete can stay on the Rolly Way without getting scared or killed. The longer we stay out, the more acorns our friends have to give us. 

Then there’s the game of Extreme Uh-oh. This is played to where two or more contestants must stand out on the Rolly Way until there is only one contestant left. Last squirrel standing type of game. Those are especially dangerous games. One contestant can challenge anybody to play Extreme Uh-oh. The winner gets all the acorns that were being bet upon.

I have only played Extreme Uh-oh one time. Quite frankly, I shouldn’t be here right now telling you this story, but here I am. This is the story of how I came to play Extreme Uh-oh.

It all started one hot morning. 

Oh yes. I almost forgot to tell you. My name is Ted. 

I’m a squirrel.

Many creatures don’t know this, but squirrels are a noble breed. We have these communities in the woods where we keep each other safe. When we see or hear a threat, we call out to all the other squirrels in the community. Well, on this hot morning, I was awoken by the chattering of my next tree neighbor, Carl. 

“Ted!” He snickered. “Ted! The trees! Fire! Ted!”

My heartbeat quickened from two hundred beats per minute to three hundred. “Carl!” I chattered back. I poked my head out from my warm nest. My nest wasn’t much; just leaves and sticks placed in a nook of a tree with a little space in the middle where I sleep. Immediately, my senses came to life. The crackling of a fire below me, the smell of smoke all around. The shouting of humans. The cries of all sorts of frightened animals.

Fire was all around the floor of the forest. Humans were down there, carrying what looked like a huge spoon. One human stuck his spoon in the ground and got a spoonful of dirt. It looked like he was digging a ditch. 

I took all of this in within two seconds. Panic began to flood my mind. I looked at Carl who was out of his nest and scurrying up his oak tree, his furry tail flicking constantly. I decided to follow him. I climbed up to the nearest branch and ran down it, as it pointed to Carl’s own oak tree. I came to the end, not slowing down. I quickly calculated if I could make the jump from my tree to his. The nearest branch of his tree was six feet away. 

Still running, I jumped. 

Air rushed under and over me, as the branch I was aiming for came suddenly closer. My feet met the branch immediately. I struggled to cling to the branch, as I almost fell backward. I hung upside down and I continued my quick scurry. 

“Carl!” I called, hoping he wasn’t too far gone. “Wait up!”

I shot up the tree, feeling as though my feet were barely touching the bark, my claws digging in, and then just as quickly, out. I launched myself bit by bit up the tree. In no time at all, I came to where Carl was waiting for me.

As is the way of squirrels, we talk quickly and efficiently, wasting no time. “Where you going?” I asked, trying to determine if I should follow.

“Dunno. Maybe across Rolly Way. Other woods, really big. Many squirrels.”

I knew the woods he was talking about. It could hardly be considered a community. It was more of a kingdom. No, they didn’t call Simon a king but they certainly treated him as one. Simon the White. Simon had always claimed he came from a superior race of squirrel from a far off land of waterfalls, where almost all squirrels were completely white. I have always been skeptical of such claims. However, if Carl, a gray squirrel like myself, was seeking refuge in this kingdom of Simon the White, what choice did I have? I had to go where there were more squirrels. You may call it instinct. I call it survival. Are the two really that different?

Carl suddenly darted down a thin branch and leaped. Almost without thinking, I followed. 

And so, I left my nest, never to return. Though I never checked it, I always just assumed my nest was consumed by the flames that the humans had wrought. 

From tree to tree, Carl and I made our way West towards the kingdom of Simon the White. The trees gradually started growing higher towards the sky, as we began to ascend a hill. Branch to branch. Tree to tree. At one point, we startled a pair of birds in their nest. We tried to warn them about the fire but were unable due to our lingual difference. Carl kept going but I stayed to make sure they understood there was danger.

I stuck out my arms and started waving them up and down, trying to make them look like wings. “Fly away!” I cried. 

The two robins cocked their heads at me quizzically.

“FLY!” I flapped my arms even more vigorously. 

The female robin stuck out her wings, chirping. She began flapping slowly. She stopped, cocking her head again. I nodded in answer. “YES!” 

She looked at her mate and chirped. In response, the male robin stuck out his wings and began flapping them slowly. His mate did the same. 

When they stood up, however, I noticed something. They had been sitting on what appeared to be two blue stones. Only these were not stones. 

Eggs.

This complicated things. 

I stopped flapping my arms like a rabid animal and dropped back to all fours. How to make them understand? I stood there, watching them hop and flap their wings. Did they think I just wanted them to dance? Ugh. 

The wind blew from the East and into my nostrils. Immediately, the two birds stopped their absurd tango, their eyes widened in fear. They smelled it too. Smoke. There we go, I thought. I chattered quickly, getting their attention once more. I stood up on my hind legs again, waving my arms again. Then I pointed west and began jumping up and down. I stepped toward them. They flinched, as I realized they might not actually trust me. I pointed at the eggs, then motioned like I was going to pick them up and then began marching in place. 

“Understand?” I asked, hopefully. They didn’t understand the words from my mouth, but they seemed to understand what I was proposing; I was offering to carry their eggs. 

They chirped back and forth to each other for a few moments, then, turning towards me, they nodded in unison. 

They agreed. 

I stepped forward and the two of them stepped aside. I, taking care to be gentle and moving slowly as to not make them doubt me, very carefully took the eggs and cradled them in the nooks of my arms. As I turned around, about to go on my way, they started chirping and squabbling loudly. I looked at them just in time to see them rush at me, talons outstretched.

I screamed. “I try to help!”

I ran towards them, still heading West, away from the fire. Just as I about met their claws, I ducked, sliding just under them. I stood and kept running. Much sooner than I would have liked, I ran out of branch. I frantically looked for the route Carl must have taken but found none that I could safely execute without busting the eggs. I turned around, the two robins rushing through the air towards me. I panicked. 

Not thinking about the eggs, I turned and jumped right off the branch, aiming for a tree eight feet away. As soon as I jumped, I felt the talons of the two robins. You may be thinking the robins don’t have talons. Well, I have a question for you. Have you ever been attacked by two robins? I didn’t think so. 

The birds’ clawed feet wrapped around my arms, just below the shoulders. I struggled to not drop the eggs, but I seriously considered it for a moment. These two robins just didn’t understand that I was doing my best to help them! I half expected them to let me fall, but then I remembered I had their eggs. How ironic, I thought wryly. 

As a collective bunch, we dropped about ten feet before the two birds began to really hold me up. We began to rise. My pulse elevated with the birds. The higher we flew, the more frightened I became. Maybe they really do want to kill me. We rose above the trees. Part of me was scared for my life, while another was in awe. I have never seen this side of the trees. I had spent my entire life either in or below the boughs, limbs, and branches of the trees. 

Then I realized what was happening. The birds were going to fly us West. To safety. They weren’t out to hurt me at all. We were all just a little confused, that was all. We stopped rising and began heading West, away from the smoke. Still holding onto the eggs, I craned my neck behind me, watching the smoke rise up. 

“Farewell,” I murmured to the woods of my youth. 

We flew West for ten minutes until we got to the Rolly Way. This marked the territory of Simon the White. We began to descend as soon as we crossed the Rolly Way. A hundred feet below, I could see a squirrel playing Uh-oh.

At that point, I hadn’t ever played Uh-oh. I had heard the stories though. It sounded thrilling. This, however, was the farthest I have ever been from my nest. I had never seen the Rolly Way with my own eyes. 

It was a sight to behold. Running South to North, dozens of rollies went on their way at incredible speeds. My stomach churned at the thought of getting hit. Some rollies slowed down for the squirrel playing Uh-oh. Some even sped up. Some swerved, trying to miss it, while others just stayed the same. The squirrel, however, was surviving, scurrying every which way. For the tall rollies, it even ducked to where the rollies would go over it without hitting it. 

Before I realized what was happening, we had crossed the Rolly Way and we began descending rapidly. The birds set me down in a crook of a tall pine tree. I slowly and gently set the eggs securely in a spot of the branch where the surface dipped a little, forming a sort of shallow bowl. I backed up slowly and, clasping my paws together, nodded my thanks. 

They seemed to understand, for they bowed their heads slightly. 

With that, I began searching for signs of Carl. I thought that surely, I had made it to the kingdom of Simon the White before him. Part of me was frightened at the thought of being there as if once I got there, I wouldn’t be able to leave. 

It wouldn’t be long before I found out that I was right.

I decided to make my way to the Rolly Way and wait for Carl there. Within two minutes of tree leaping, I began to make out the tell-tale signs of nearby squirrels: nutshells, bits of gray fur stuck to pieces of bark, many nests, and, above all, the scents and sounds of dozens of squirrels. It wasn’t long before I heard the chattering of a crowd of spectators. 

Uh-oh.

I heard the shouting of a cocky fellow, who was rather plump. “Forty acorns says she won’t last sixty seconds!” He sat in a comfortable looking nest overlooking the Rolly Way. When I looked closer, however, I realized it wasn’t a nest at all, but a seat. I glanced curiously along the tree line beside the Rolly Way, noticing scores of these seats. Almost every single one of them was filled by a fat, happy squirrel. 

Another called out, “I’ll raise that bet! Seventy acorns say that she’ll last a minute and twenty seconds.”

The first one replied, “Done!”

A few things about this scene made me uncomfortable, but the most disconcerting for me was the fact that they were taking care when they spoke. They spoke in full sentences as if they had all the time in the world. 

I jumped to a tree close to the Rolly Way and quickly shot toward one of the only seats that were empty. I sat myself down, curious to watch this spectacle first-hand. 

There she was, on the side of the road, a bit jumpy, as though waiting for something. That was the moment I first heard his voice. His voice. You know who I’m talking about. Simon the White. He spoke slowly and with great authority. Though his voice was soft, it gave off an air of such power and command. I didn’t understand it. 

“On your mark! Get set!” 

On the beat, the crowd of spectators called out, “UH-OH!”

Immediately, the squirrel shot out in the middle of the Rolly Way. It wasn’t long before the first rolly found her. It was smaller and low to the ground. Instead of running out of the way, she faced it. As it grew closer, she began running back and forth, out of fear or strategy, I didn’t know. All I knew was that a rolly was about to hit a squirrel right before my eyes. As much as I wanted to shut my eyes and look away, I simply couldn’t. I was mesmerized. The rolly was upon her and I was certain that she would be hit, but right before it would have slammed into her, she leaped just out of its reach, but she was still on the Rolly Way. 

The crowd of squirrels erupted in cheers, chattering, and boos. I couldn’t help but be absolutely amazed. This squirrel knew exactly what she was doing. She did the exact same thing with the next two rollies that rushed toward her. Not only did she not seem frightened, but it was as if she was playing with the rollies. 

At one point, a rolly with tall wheels and what looked like a bed in the back, came rushing towards her. It started swerving, as she ran back and forth in front of it. Was she taunting it? At the last second, she just stopped in the middle of the lane, and the rolly went straight over her. She stood again, unharmed. 

Cheers and boos sounded all around me. It was amazing. 

One squirrel could be heard above the roar. “TIME!” And that was that. The victorious squirrel hurried off the Rolly Way making her way back toward the tree line, amidst the shouts and cheers of a jubilant crowd. As I watched her approach, something on the other side of the Rolly Way caught my attention. It shot out from the tree line, a gray blur, and continued across the Rolly Way. I could make out that it was a squirrel. Carl. It had to be.

Through the joyful cheers and the angry shouts, I could hear one voice. His voice. All fell silent at the sound. Simon the White called for order. “SILENCE!” 

No one made a sound.

“Thank you,” said Simon the White. “Halt, you devious squirrel of the opposing wood!”

Carl did not.

“You!” 

I saw Carl look up where Simon the White sat. Though I didn’t notice before, he was surrounded by four particularly fat squirrels. He sat in his seat, which I thought looked like a throne or at least as much as a nest/seat could look like a throne, positioned two trees to my right. He sat above every other seat on the tree line. 

Carl stopped just before hitting the tree line. He stood on his hind legs, sniffing the air, and cocking his head in the direction of the white squirrel. I could tell when Carl saw him; he suddenly stood straighter, his tail erecting straight in the air. Then, as I sighed in relief, Carl bowed low. “O, Simon! Superior squirrel of the land of waterfalls! I humbly request entrance into your land!”

“I deny your request,” said Simon simply.

“Please, O Simon the White! I beg you! Reconsider! My homeland is being destroyed as I speak to you now! The hungry flame of the humans devours everything, except for your side of the revered Rolly Way!”

I was stunned. I had never heard Carl, of all squirrels, speak with such eloquence. It was not the squirrel way! 

Simon the White considered this for a few moments, then spoke. “I appreciate your reverence to me, for it is deserved. I say this to all squirrels with ears; I am Simon the White, native of the land of waterfalls, where most all squirrels are like me. I am of a higher breed; white squirrels are naturally born with higher intelligence than their cousins, the gray squirrels. Naturally, then, we are superior. I chose to live here, among you filthy animals. Therefore, you should naturally treat me as superior. What is your name, squirrel of the opposing wood?”

“Indeed, O White One. You are far superior. Your intelligence reaches above even the tallest of pines,” Carl said, attempting to flatter.

“Yes, yes. Name,” demanded the white squirrel, waving his paw, dismissing Carl’s compliments.

“My name is Carl, the son of Joe.”

“Good. Carl Joeson, I have a question regarding your allegiance.” Simon stopped, as though waiting for a response. 

Carl asked, “Yes?”

“Are you willing to submit to me, your superior? If you join my wood, you must be prepared to submit to my law. My law is for your own good.”

Carl didn’t hesitate after Simon the White stopped speaking. “Of course, for you are superior.” 

“Good!” Simon the White clasped his paws together. “One more question. How do I know you are not a spy?”

Fortunately, Carl was quick on his feet, as most squirrels are. “Well, Your Whiteness, you don’t. However, you can have one of your most trusted servants spy on me and I can assure you that they will find that I have no ill intent.”

“Well then!” Simon said, turning to one of the fat squirrels on his right. “Would you mind keeping an eye on our new citizen, Sal?”

Sal nodded without speaking. 

“Splendid. Now on with the games!” 

It was at that moment that Carl scanned the crowd of onlooking squirrels. I remember vividly the moment he found my eyes. Though he knew it not, he was dooming me. “Why Ted!” He exclaimed. Carl pointed directly at me. “You are here! You made it! You had me worried for a bit! How did you get here so fast?”

My heart stopped before it began beating unbelievably fast. I looked at Simon the White, who was following Carl’s pointing finger. He locked eyes with mine. I stared into his red eyes, my own wide with fear. 

“WHO ARE YOU?” demanded Simon.

Something caught in my throat, as I struggled to speak. I barely was able to spit out, “T-Ted. M-my name is Ted.”

“Ted, is it? Well, my squirrels, what do you think of this Ted?” Simon spat out my name, sounding disgusted, and spread his arms out, looking around the tree line. The chattering of dozens of discussions broke out right away. “Ted, are you a spy?”

“No,” I stammered. I knew that I would never be able to speak with eloquence, as Simon probably expected of me. “No. I am not.”

Simon clicked his tongue, clearly disbelieving. “What, then, are you doing in my wood? At my games? Without me knowing?”

“My home. Fire destroyed it. I help birds escape. They had eggs. I carry eggs in my arms, they fly me by my arms over Rolly Way. I heard many squirrelish chattering. I come here.”

“Ah, I see,” said Simon the White, in mock understanding. “Birds carried you. Here!” 

“Yes!” I said, still trying to remain optimistic.

“I see. And does everyone else believe this story, as I do?”

The tree line exploded in squirrely laughter. It was a weird sound. I had never experienced it before. It sounded like hundreds of clicking noises, but not the normal squirrelish chatter I was accustomed to. These squirrels weren’t squirrels at all, I realized then. This was not natural like Simon claimed. Naturally this, naturally that. No. These guys were nuts. Yes, I know, bad language and all, but it was true! They were absolutely nuts. So I told them. 

“Superior, my tail! You are nuts!”

Gasps sounded everywhere around me, as the stunned squirrels had no idea how to react. I knew that I shouldn’t have cursed, but it was rather amusing to see their reactions. Carl put his paws over his mouth, utterly aghast. 

Pointing in a dramatic manner toward myself, Simon the White stood on his hind legs and shouted, “SEIZE HIM!” 

I knew right away that there was no point in trying to escape. It was far too late for that. 

“And Carl Joeson, too! We need no spies in our midst this day!”

I watched in terror as dozens of squirrels started scurrying toward me from all directions, jumping from limb to limb, scampering down trees. I was completely surrounded in three seconds. My paws shot into the air, as a sign of me surrendering. There was no point in fighting the inevitable. Carl, however, attempted to escape across the Rolly Way. He probably would have made it, too, if it wasn’t for the rolly that came at just the wrong second. 

The rolly’s tire hit him just perfectly, ending his life in a single moment. 

“No!” I screamed desperately. “Carl!” Yes, my capture was his fault, but I couldn’t blame him. He didn’t know I had come here without Simon’s knowledge. He was just excited to see me. 

I felt the paws land on my shoulders and I didn’t struggle. I was still in shock that my only friend was just killed before my eyes. That was the way of life, though. When a comrade dies, there is nothing to do but move on. So I had to keep moving. 

Eight pairs of claws dug into my back, as four squirrels lifted me above their heads, holding me up like I was some sort of treasure or trophy. They snickered unnaturally. My stomach churned, disgusted. These were no squirrels. 

“To the dungeon with him!” I heard Simon the White call above the excited chatters of fifty or so squirrels.

Again the squirrels below snickered. “You get to meet ole Pippy,” one said. They laughed again. Another said, “You two will get along wonderfully.”

I said not a word; partly out of defiance but also because I had nothing to say. There would be absolutely no point. Hope seemed to be getting farther and farther away with every tree they put between themselves and the Rolly Way. Pretty quickly, they sat me down and instructed me to keep walking. “And don’t try anything funny.”

How could I? I was utterly without hope. As I walked in the center of the four squirrels, I looked around. These squirrels hardly ever touched the ground with their four paws. They all walked on two legs like I’ve seen humans do. How do they even get around in the trees like that? I wondered idly. I, however, continued walking on all fours.  

As we went on our trek to the supposed dungeon, we formed a following crowd. Squirrels stopped what they were doing to watch, some staying put, but most began following us. Hope was something far out of reach at this point. 

If you think this is my end, keep reading. Things got really interesting really fast. Just wait, friend. Keep reading. 

The dungeon wasn’t much. It was a massive tree stump. Atop the stump was a large, flat rock, with two squirrels standing on top. I figured that they must be guarding. Or maybe they just wanted to see how the new prisoner would react to the prison. As we made our approach to the stump, the two squirrels bent down and began pushing the rock across the top of the stump. It was then that I saw my new temporary home. 

In the center of this huge stump was a massive hole. A pit, nearly as deep as the pit in the tree stump, formed in my stomach. That’s where I was heading; into the dark, cold belly of a rotting tree stump. 

That’s when I began to struggle. I couldn’t let myself be thrown into captivity without at least some semblance of a fight. If I were to go in there, I would not go easily. I glanced around. A hundred squirrels, at least, were watching me, probably in anticipation of my reaction. Yes, I knew that I had virtually no chance, but I had to try. I had to. 

I flicked my tail a few times, thinking this through. I feel bad for humans. Their minds must be so slow! I knew that the majority of squirrels were directly behind me, so I immediately eliminated that route. Looking from side to side, I saw that my left side had more squirrels than the right, but I knew it would be suicide to go that way. With three options gone, I quickly realized my only option would be to run directly forward. Again, I feel bad for humans. I took this all in within two and a half seconds. That was all the time I needed. 

Knowing that I had to surprise them, I didn’t change my pace in any way. I found myself hoping that if I ran, they would be slower than me because they only used their two paws. Hope. There it was. I had hope. If only I knew how foolish this notion was. 

Not wasting any time, I ran forward, between the two squirrels ahead of me. I was quick to put distance between us, but I did risk a glance back. Hoping to see expressions of surprise, I saw only amusement in their faces. That scared me. 

Within five seconds, I had come to the tree stump. I cut to my right, running around the stump, giving it a wide berth. Expecting the guards to follow, I sped up after I cleared the dungeon. I should have known better. The smug look that they all shared as I passed them told me they knew something that I didn’t. 

Another five seconds passed quickly.

It wasn’t long before I understood why they didn’t see a need to pursue me. There was something I didn’t stop to consider. You see, I knew that these squirrels weren’t natural. Their behavior was so abnormal. However, I never considered what would come next. 

As I fled, I was giving the squirrels behind me time to load their weapons. I was giving them time to take their aim. I gave them enough time, even, to shoot me with their miniature blow darts. I scurried up one tree, my heart beating faster than a drummer can beat a drum, and felt three shafts pierce my hide. Searing pain followed unforgivingly. I felt one in my left hind leg, another in my right side. The last one went straight through my tail, pinning it to the tree. My momentum carried me, so I felt the flesh on my tail tearing. I wasn’t too high up the tree, fortunately. As I began to lose consciousness, I became aware that I was falling.

I don’t remember what happened after that.

That was the last thing I remembered before I woke up. 

In the dark. 

I was fairly certain that my wounds were cleaned, but I was confident that my captors weren’t the ones who did it. I spent twenty minutes trying to remember what had led me to this point, with a headache and some nasty wounds. It all had happened so fast. I knew that there was no use in pleading my innocence. My heart burned in frustration. My home was destroyed that day! Or had it been yesterday? You see? I didn’t even know how long I had been in that hole! If I had woke only twenty minutes before, there was no telling how long I had been out.

Fortunately, I still had most of my tail. Only about an inch was taken off the tip. 

It was pretty cool in there. Not much light got in, except for a few holes in the rotting walls. The streams of light illuminated only a few small spots, but it was better than nothing. 

I knew that I wasn’t alone. 

This was awful. I quickly became acutely aware of how hungry I was. Cold and in the dark. Everything around me was moist and damp. My fur was wet with something and I didn’t even know what it was. Part of my tail was gone. I’m pretty sure that there was a crazed squirrel in there with me that had yet to show itself, named Pippy. I heard things moving in there that I knew are not squirrelish, probably cockroaches and beetles. All of this was because I decided to follow Carl that morning. If I had not followed Carl, I wouldn’t have bumped into those two birds. I wouldn’t have helped the birds so I wouldn’t be here in this stump right now. Ugh!

“You awake?”

That startled me. I thought that must be Pippy. Whoever it was, he was speaking squirrelish. I sniffed the air, trying to determine if he smelled like a squirrel. I couldn’t tell. Whatever it was, he just smelled bad. 

“Yes,” I answered.

“Good. I cleaned your wounds,” said the voice flatly.

“Thanks.” I paused, thinking if I should continue. “Are you Pippy?” 

“I am.”

I was not sure if I should be reassured by this or not. Is he on my side? Am I even on a side? I thought that I was just caught up in the middle of an unfortunate misunderstanding. I thought that is was best not to take sides at this point. 

“And what is your name, squirrel?” He asked.

“Ted.”

“And your father’s name?”

“Dunno.”

“Where are you from?”

“Woods across Rolly Way.” His questions made me uncomfortable so I decided to turn it around on him. “Father’s name?”

“Robert. He was a white squirrel.”

My heart skipped a beat. Not another. I watched, as he stepped into a beam of light. Surprised, I noticed that he approached on all fours, rather than two legs. I observed him, head cocked to one side. He looked like a normal gray squirrel, just like myself. I found myself confused. I expected him to be white. Instead, he looked ordinary. Then I saw it. Just above his head, I noticed a bit of white. I figured it must be his tail. “Your tail,” I murmured. 

“My tail? Ah, yes,” he said, turning to where I could see it. It was completely white, just like Simon’s. “My father was white. My mother, however, was gray, like you.”

I was surprised.

“That’s interesting, isn’t it?” asked Pippy. “I’m not your normal squirrel, am I?”

I shook my head. No. He was far from normal, I was certain.

“Well. You’re wrong. I am just like you. I may not look like you, but just because we look different doesn’t mean that we are not both squirrels. Squirrels are squirrels, regardless of the color of their fur.”

Impossible. That can’t be right! “Simon the White? He is smarter than me! He is a white squirrel!”

“So? He tells you that he’s smarter, that somehow he has a higher intelligence. What gives him that higher intelligence? The color of his fur? That’s absurd!”

I objected. This squirrel is crazy after all! “He comes from the land of waterfalls! He knows things!” 

“I come from the land of waterfalls. That’s why I’m here! He had me put in this stump because he knows that I know he is no better than you. White squirrels are exactly like gray squirrels, except that their fur is white. I am no better than you, friend. He is no better than you.”

This can’t be true! Can it? That would mean Simon was deceiving the entire wood! 

“You think he stands on his hind legs because he is smarter?” Pippy asked. “No. He knew he would have to convince the squirrels here that he was indeed smarter. He’ll tell you that he made up the game Uh-oh. That’s a lie. Uh-oh is a game that squirrels have been playing for generations. Don’t let him lie to you. He comes up with these weird things because he knows that if he doesn’t, the squirrels will kill him.”

“Why does he do this?” I inquired. As much sense as this makes, I can’t help but be hesitant to believe him.

“Power, Ted. He is the son of the chief back in the land of waterfalls. He has two older siblings. His oldest sister was to become chieftess. So, he left. When he came to realize that most squirrels are gray, he realized that he could subjugate them. He knew that he could make them believe that he was their king, their ruler. That’s when he decided to become Simon the White. He left the land of waterfalls and came here. I followed him. We were best friends, he and I.”

“He put you here?”

“Yes.”

“Why? You were friends!” I was beginning to believe him.

“I’m getting to that. Hold on. I knew that this was wrong. He asked me if I would help him. I said no because I couldn’t bring myself to lie to a hundred of my own kind. We squirrels have honor! Or we should, anyway.”

“Why do you talk funny?”

“Oh yes. Good question. Part of Simon’s trickery involved the way we speak. He decided that we would speak with eloquence instead of typical squirrel-ish. That is a habit I formed. I find that as a sort of perk in this whole mess. I apologize if my speech makes you uncomfortable.”

If I was being honest, I didn’t know half of what he was saying. However, I did get the gist of the story. There had to have been some sort of betrayal.

“When I told him that this wasn’t a good idea, he tried to convince me that it was alright. He almost did, too. He tried to tell me that we actually are superior. That we deserve to rule the gray squirrels.”

“What stopped you?”

“Well, I just stopped and took a look at myself. I am gray. I am like you. But I’m also white, like Simon. So it all came down to what I thought was right. I had to ask myself who I should stand with. The grays or the whites. If I was with the whites, I would have power and respect. However, if I was with the grays, I would be doing what was right. I would have a clear conscience. Either way, I would be forced to betray my own kind.”

“What was the decision?”

Pippy laughed. “Is it not obvious? I chose the grays. I told Simon that I could not stand with him. I could not deceive my own kind, I told him. He told me that I was betraying him. He told me that if I couldn’t stand with him, then I was against him. And so, he put me here. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t trick squirrels into serving me.”

At this point, I couldn’t even help it; I believed him. Not only did I trust him and his story, but I also had great respect for him then. This squirrel wasn’t crazy, he was betrayed by his best friend. “So,” I say slowly, “Simon is bad...?” 

“I might even use the word evil. Corrupt,” said the gray-white squirrel.

As this begun to sink in, as I realized the terrible injustice of my capture, anger began to well up inside me. This wasn’t right! He was leading a kingdom based on lies and deceit! That was not a leader! He was a tyrant! 

“He can be stopped,” said Pippy, quietly.

“Yes?” I perked up. 

“Yes. It’s quite simple, really.” He paused, probably for effect. I was sure he had done this before. “Extreme Uh-oh.”

Simple. Right. All I had to do was challenge Simon the White to a game of Extreme Uh-oh and win. Simple indeed. Easy? No, I didn’t think so. 

“I’ve never played the game,” I replied. “I don’t have good chances.”

“Oh come on, Ted,” Pippy encouraged. “I bet you’re a natural! I’d bet all my acorns on you!” 

“You have acorns?” I asked, hopefully. My stomach growled suddenly at the thought of eating something. My hunger was not forgotten easily.  

“Oh, no. I wish. If I did, I’d bet them all on you though!”

I was not convinced. “What about you? Why don’t you challenge him?”

“Ah, well that’s a good question. I see it as my duty, you see, to help squirrels see the truth when they come here to the stump. I think it’s my job to tell them that Simon is evil and should be stopped.”

“You play Uh-oh?”

“I have played Uh-oh, yes,” answered Pippy.

“You good?”

“I can hold my own.”

“Then you fight him,” I said, satisfied with my little ploy. 

Pippy sighed. “I…,” he started. “I… don’t think I… could bring myself to fighting my best friend.” 

I didn’t believe him. Who would? He was just pretending to be frightened, trying to when my sympathies. “You say he’s evil! Corrupt! You fight him!”

“I can’t!” 

“You can! You afraid?” 

Pippy didn’t answer. 

I couldn’t believe it. He was a coward! How many squirrels had he sent to their dooms this way? It was a cruel fate. “Pippy,” I said, seeking his attention. He looked at me. “You and I fight Simon. We beat him together. Yes?” 

He didn’t answer right away. I could see the pain in his face, as he spoke. “No, Ted. I will not fight.”

I was incredulous. Pippy was asking me to fight so that he would not have to. He would have me die without lifting a finger to help me. “You are not friend to me,” I said. I could see that I hurt his feelings. His little trick must have worked on all the others. “You try to trick me. You trick other squirrels? They die? You care about them?” Pippy met my eyes and I could see that my words were getting to him. “Simon betrays you. You betray me now?” 

I saw a flicker in his eyes when I brought up Simon the White. He looked away. Just as Simon betrayed Pippy, so now Pippy was trying to betray me. I could not let that happen.

But then, what? Am I to just sit here in the dark, forever? Pippy had a good idea. If I challenged Simon the White, I could possibly die, but it’d be better than just sitting there on my tail, or what was left of it. Last squirrel standing. That’s what it came down to. It didn’t matter if your fur was white or gray; it is the last squirrel remaining on the Rolly Way that wins the game. If I died, so be it, I decided. At least I would die in defiance of my captor. 

“Guards!” I yelled. My sudden outburst startled Pippy, as I saw him jump a little. “Guards!”

“Are you doing it?” Pippy asked. 

I looked him right in the eyes and said, “Yes. Not for you. For me. If I die, I die. I am not coward. I will try.” Then, looking up to the ceiling, I cried, “Guards! I challenge Simon the White to Extreme Uh-oh!”

Light flooded the pit in the rotting tree stump almost before the words had left my mouth. It was as though they were waiting for me to shout my challenge. The light revealed many things: the stump was rather disgusting, rotting and crawling with all sorts of insects and beetles. I met Pippy’s eyes and I saw that they were filled with pain. Sorrow, maybe. Definitely hurt. You may call me ruthless, but I’m not sorry for what I said to him. He was ready to see me off to my death, even encouraging it. 

As soon as the stone was moved from the top of the stump like a lid, the sounds of a hundred excited squirrels filled my ears. I felt like I was playing right into some sort of sick trap, masked behind the title of a game. It wouldn’t surprise me if Simon the White attempted to kill me this day. At least I would die with my honor. 

I climbed up the sides of the stump, my claws digging into the rotting tree flesh. Before I reached the top, I saw Simon the White, facing out. He was standing on the rim of the stump. He gestured with his hands, attempting to calm the excited gathering of squirrels. At once, they fell silent, allowing Simon a few moments of silence, before he said in a calm and collected voice, “I accept.”

The squirrels exploded in their odd laughter, sending shivers down my spine and out through my tail. Simon’s response tempted me to rethink my bold decision but I decided to stand firm. I had to stand up to this tyrant. 

Simon approached me and said in a soft voice, so that only I could hear, “You are the nineteenth squirrel to attempt this. I hope you notice something; I’m still here, alive. The others? Where do you think they are?”

He paused, giving me a moment to think on his words. Where are they? The answer seemed obvious to me.

Dead.

Along with the less fortunate and less intelligent possums, raccoons, and deer in the area. Just another lump on the Rolly Way. Just another meal for the hungry birds. And the kingdom of Simon the White would be no better off. Maybe, just maybe, I would be able to rid these squirrels of Simon’s tyranny. 

“This,” Simon continued, “is your last and only chance to back out.”

Determined, I replied, “No. I will fight you. I will win.”

Simon’s eyes widened, pretending to be frightened. “Ooh, confident, are we? We’ll see how confident you are on the Rolly Way, with you under my feet and a rolly approaching as fast as ever.”

“I know secret,” I said, disregarding his previous statement.

“You know secret?” Simon laughed. “You know how to talk?”

I struggled for a moment, trying to think of how to specify what I meant. “I know your secret. You are evil. You betray your own kind. You are a disgrace to all squirrels, everywhere.” 

This didn’t seem to phase him in the least. In actuality, he laughed. “Yes, yes. I have heard this speech many times, Ted. There is no reason to repeat yourself. Now, that you have that out of your system, let us make our way to the Rolly Way. Remember, you are still my prisoner so if you try to escape, you go right back to the dungeon. Understand?”

I refuse to respond.

“Do you understand?” He asked, enunciating each syllable. He shakes his head slowly and I think I heard him mumbling something, ending with, “stupid squirrel.”

I found that slightly humorous and it must have shown on my face because I could that it was infuriating Simon the White. He was calling me a stupid squirrel when he and I both knew the truth: his intelligence is no higher than my own. 

The arrogance gone from his voice, he turned his back to me, paws clasped behind him. “Very well, you foolish animal. Follow me now. When we come to the Rolly Way, I will finish you in less than sixty seconds.” He paused, glancing back down at Pippy. “Farewell, Pip. I hope you are satisfied with yourself, sending another squirrel to his unnecessary, but well-deserved death.”

I refused to look at Pippy before I left, but I could feel his eyes on me. No matter. As Simon began walking in the direction of the Rolly Way, I followed. 

As we walked, I noticed a number of squirrels carrying what looked like reeds. No, not reeds, I realized. They were small pieces of river cane. I assumed that these were what they used to shoot me with; hollowed-out pieces of river cane, with makeshift darts, used to pierce their prey. Just another reminder that these were not squirrels that I was dealing with; these were the followers of Simon the White. 

We drew nearer to the Rolly Way with each of their funny-looking steps. My heart was heavy, beating fast. My mind raced faster, even, than the frantic beat of my heart. I felt a deep pit in my stomach, my hunger only adding to the feeling of emptiness inside. I began to ignore the constant chattering and eerie laughter of the squirrels around. Instead, I focused on the sounds of the Rolly Way, which were growing steadily louder with every passing moment. 

A sense of resigned dread came over me. What was I doing? I realized, then, that I was marching to my doom. I might as well have been journeying to a cliff to jump off of or to a hungry house lion to fight with.

Before I even knew what was happening, I found myself at the tree line, the Rolly Way not far off at all. The sudden gust of air from a passing rolly jolted me back to the present, as though I was waking from a dreamless sleep. 

Simon the White was looking expectantly at me, as though waiting for a response. I looked at him, confused. “What?” I asked.

He sighed, exasperated. “I said, ‘what are your terms?’”

My terms? Oh, right. “Freedom for me. I don’t want to be in dungeon.” 

“Very well, then. My terms are keeping you captive for the remainder of your life… that is if you survive this game. Agreed?”

I eyed him warily, then I stood on my hind legs. I came up to meet his height easily. We stood like this for a few moments. If I looked closely, I could tell that even our fur wasn’t that much different from each other. His was just a bit fluffier, which might have even been due to his plumpness. “I agree,” I said after a few moments. 

“Good!” Simon said, his hair bristling as another rolly flies by. “Now, let’s get on with it. There are a few things I would like to see to before sundown.” 

I almost forgot the hundred pairs of eyes staring at us, as they had all quieted. I looked behind me at the tree line. Every single one of the seats was filled by at least one squirrel, some even holding two or three. I couldn’t spot a single empty seat. 

“The rules are simple,” Simon told me casually. “The last squirrel on the Rolly Way is the winner. If one squirrel is killed by a rolly, then the squirrel that is left is the victor. The victor receives the rewards. Understand?”

I nodded.

“Wonderful.” Simon turned to the crowd behind him, “Now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and squirrels, ARE-YOU-READY?!”

The uncharacteristic silence was immediately replaced by a loud, squirrelish roar. Simon the White pointed to Sal and shouted, “Sal! Would you kindly start us off?”

Sal nodded. My pulse quickened. This was it. This was the manner in which I would die. At least I was able to do it on my own terms. This was what I chose so this was what I was going to receive. A final stand. 

Extreme Uh-oh.

“On your mark!” Sal yelled, her voice piercing the chatters, “Get set!”

A moment of silence. All squirrels awaited the moment to scream the word that sentenced me to my doom. As one, every squirrel except for myself, screamed out, “UH-OH!”

At that moment, Simon and I both sprinted out onto the Rolly Way. I was surprised to see Simon on all fours rather than his two hind legs. Not even two seconds had passed before the first rolly came shooting towards us. I darted quickly into the other lane, the left tire barely missing me. I looked back to see that Simon had ducked under it. I didn’t really know what to expect, but I certainly didn’t expect what happened next. I could hear the faint hissing of three rollies on their way towards us. 

I looked at Simon just in time to see him running towards me, on all fours. When he was close enough, he leaped at me. His front paws slammed into my chest and he tackled me to the ground. I was pinned under his weight, the hot asphalt burning my back. His paws were planted firmly in my chest, just below my shoulders. 

Panic began to rise, as rollies were almost upon us. I realized then that the way Simon had me positioned, I was perfectly placed in order to be crushed by a tire. I squirmed under his weight, but Simon held me firm. Desperation ensued, as I leaned my head forward, my neck straining, and sunk my two front teeth into his arm. 

The insides of my mouth tasted of blood and bile, as Simon howled, grasping at his wound. At that moment, the rolly in our lane passed straight over us. I thought that it must have swerved to miss us. I was able to twist out from underneath Simon, and just in time too. I rolled away, just as another rolly passed over, its tire landing right where I had been just seconds before. 

I look around for the white fur of Simon. I see him in the other lane, staring at me. Another rolly passes over. I lied on my back, feeling the strong gust of wind that follows every rolly. I smelled the distinct scent of rolly fuel. 

Simon the White didn’t waste a second.

As soon as the rolly had passed, he charged. I jumped up to my hind legs, waiting for him to leap at me again. This time, I decided, I would be ready. 

Just as I expected, he leaped at me, teeth bared and claws out. Immediately, I jumped to the right, landing on all fours. I ran down the Rolly Way, in the right lane. I didn’t look back right away, for I assumed that Simon was unable to follow, due to his weight. When I did look back, I saw that he didn’t even try to follow. He shook his head at me. 

“You’re going to run?” He snickered. “How long are you willing to do this? We can dodge rollies all day.” 

I hesitated. I could hear the sound of an approaching rolly, just before I could see it. It was rushing towards Simon’s back. I thought that this would be an opportunity. So instead of running away, I did the opposite. I charged toward Simon. We locked eyes and I tried to keep his red eyes from scaring me. I clung to this fleeting moment of courage, pushing out every fear. I saw a splotch of red staining his white arm, where I bit him. This only gave me more determination. 

This rolly was too low to the ground to duck under, so I was hoping to keep Simon in between myself in the rolly, then at the last second, dodge and dart into the other lane. 

The rolly showed no sign slowing down at all. Good, I thought. Within five seconds, I was almost upon Simon. I paused for a second, as Simon did something very unexpected. He turned around and faced the rolly. I leaped out of the way and into the other lane and I looked just in time to see Simon jump straight up. I watched, as though everything was in slow motion. He leaped straight up and landed on top of the rolly’s hood. I saw the surprise on the face of the frightened human inside the rolly. Simon ran atop the rolly, rushing towards the opposite end and jumped off the back. He landed on all fours, grunting from the pain in his arm. 

And then Simon the White rushed me, with murder in his eyes. 

I was too surprised to react in time and so he was able to tackle me again. He didn’t make the same mistake again, for this time his paws were not on my chest. This time, all of his weight was focused on my throat, his paws applying as much pressure as he was capable. I struggled to keep my eyes open as my lungs burned for want of air. Terrible pain clouded my right thinking. I could not even gasp. 

My arms shot out, as I attempted to claw Simon’s arms. I grasped his locked arms and scratched as hard and deep as I could, which must not have been much, for Simon only smiled. He knew the truth before I accepted it.

I was dying.

I could feel the life leaving my body with every passing moment. Every second was a second in which I was getting closer to an ever rapidly approaching end. My sense of hearing was gone. It seemed as though all my senses were focused on the pain of the pressure being forced upon my neck. My eyes shut of their own accord, as darkness clouded my vision. This was never what I had expected death to be like. Who would have thought that me, Ted, an ordinary gray squirrel, would die in defiance of a corrupt, lying tyrant? 

Well, there I was. 

The cold hand of death clutching my furry throat. 

Then, abruptly, it was not anymore. The pressure of Simon’s paws were suddenly gone. As strong as the force of a mighty waterfall, a headache began pounding on the inside of my skull. I struggled to open my eyes to see what had happened. I heard myself groan in pain. I was in disbelief that I was able to draw breath into my burning lungs. Had he shown me mercy? Surely not. 

Then I heard a voice that I thought I would never hear again. “Simon the White,” he said, “is a fraud!”

I looked toward the voice and, despite my pain and nausea, I experienced joy. I experienced something else as well, something that had felt so far for so long. Hope. I began to hope that maybe I would survive this day. 

It was Pippy. 

I saw a blur of white and gray, as the two squirrels grappled at each other. They rolled around on the Rolly Way, like some sort of multicolored, furry ball. I realized then, as I watched, I could not let Pippy die. I had to save him, for he had to tell his story. Pippy had to tell the community the secret of Simon the White. He had to live. Pippy had to win.

I tried to stand on all fours but as soon as I did, I got knocked down from the wind of a rolly passing over me. A wave of dizziness washed over me. I felt absolutely helpless as I watched Pippy and Simon go at it, clawing, biting, and screaming in pain. I wished with everything in me to help Pippy. I heard a rolly rushing towards them, for they were in the opposite lane. 

“Pippy!” I screamed desperately. “Rolly! Run!”

The furry ball dispersed suddenly, as Simon and Pippy parted in opposite directions. Pippy ran and joined me at my side. I observed him quickly and I saw dozens of bloody patches on his body. I met his eyes and he told me something I will never forget. 

“Tell them,” he says. “Tell them my story. Tell them about Simon’s secret. They must know the truth. Set these slaves free.” Pippy was being heroic. He was actually prepared to give his life for the liberation of his people.

“No,” I firmly replied. “You tell them. They believe you because you have white tail. I’m outsider. They no trust me.”

The rolly shot past and the wave of air hit us.

I continued. “I will fight Simon. You tell them now. I need help soon.”

Pippy nodded and ran to the side of the Rolly Way, facing the crowd of squirrels. “I am from the land of waterfalls,” I heard him tell the crowd. I decided I had to block out Pippy’s voice so I could focus on fighting the tyrant himself. I saw Simon pacing on the opposite side of the Rolly Way looking me, bloody and determined. 

“Ted,” He hissed, “I will kill you.”

Another rolly flew between us. “Simon, Pippy says you are not different from me. I think he’s wrong,” I said, not taking my eyes from his. “He says white and gray are same. That is true, I think. But you are different from me. You are evil. You lie, you cheat. You betray your own kind. A squirrel is a squirrel, no matter the color of its fur. Pippy tells them truth now. They will be mad. This is last chance to run. Go back to land of waterfalls, filthy animal.”

Throughout my speech, he didn’t take his eyes from my own. They stayed the same the entire time. I was hoping to see fear in them, regret even, but all I could see looking back at me was renewed hatred. At this point, I was unable to predict his next actions, which scared me. Will he run or will he attack? I didn’t think he even knew the answer himself. 

I was forced to move to the center of the Rolly Way, where the two yellow lines run side by side, as a rolly shot past. As I watched him, I could see Simon stand on his hind legs, as he normally did. His tail straightened and he stood tall, his chest fur puffing out. 

Simon the White had made his decision. 

He charged toward me with mutinous eyes and red specks glistening in the sunlight. I noticed something that he must not have noticed, for if he had, there was no way he would run at me as he was then. He might not have known it, but he was about to run head-on into an oncoming rolly that was approaching behind me. With his eyes still locked onto mine, he leaped. I darted out of the way and he sailed right where I had just been. Simon ducked immediately and the rolly went right over him. 

I could not help but be impressed. How many times had he played this deadly game? 

As the rolly moved on, so did Simon the White. He came at me again, with renewed determination. I decided to run. Maybe I can wear him out, I began to think. With Simon close behind, I darted continually, from left to right, always moving away from Simon. Right to left, left to right. Back and forth, back and forth. Always running forward. A rolly came flying toward me and I darted to the right lane, allowing it to pass, then I moved back to the left lane. 

Wanting to stay close to Pippy, I decided to move back toward where he was still speaking to the crowd of squirrels. I risked a look behind and I saw Simon has stopped chasing me. Instead, he had begun to make his way toward Pippy. 

“Pippy!” I shouted, “Look out!”

Simon rushed toward him and tackled him from behind. He sunk his teeth deep into Pippy’s neck. “No!” I yelled, running as fast as I could. “Pippy!” 

Pippy cried out and fell on his stomach, Simon still clinging to his throat with his teeth. I was upon them in seconds. Before I could do anything, Simon the Crazed had turned around and thrown himself upon me. 

“Help!” I cried. It was all I can manage before his paws were around my throat once more. I stuck my hind legs under his belly and kicked as hard as I could. I could feel my fur tear painfully from his claws as they are ripped from my throat. 

Simon scrambled to get to his feet as he was on the side of the Rolly Way. “Hey!” I yelled, realizing something. “I won!” Indeed, Simon the White was no longer standing on the Rolly Way, making me the winner. I had won my freedom! However, Simon didn’t seem to care about that fact, as he attacked me yet again. 

“Simon!” I yell, “I have won! Stop!”

He didn’t stop. Before I realized what was happening, Simon was upon me again, but before he could do anything, I saw a paw upon his shoulder. He was suddenly jerked back, the claw digging deep into his shoulder. Simon screeched. I didn’t see exactly what had happened, because Simon and I were suddenly surrounded by a crowd of squirrels. I glanced around and saw that a circle had formed around us. 

This was it then. The end. 

But not for me. 

The circle began to close in, but not around me; around Simon the White. What happened next is not something I should speak of. You may ask, were they eating him? I can assure you that they were not eating him. I don’t know what they were doing to him, myself. All I know is that Simon the White is no more. 

And so, that is how it happened. That is how I came to play my first, and last, game of Extreme Uh-oh and that is also how Simon the White was overthrown.

Pippy was able to convince the kingdom of the truth, that Simon the White was corrupt and evil, that he was a liar and a deceiver. Of course, the squirrels were furious. That’s when they killed him, as you have probably guessed. 

You may have heard many stories about evil tyrants being overthrown. Some kingdoms were overthrown by knights and kings. Others, by spaceships with laser guns and mysterious forces. Even some kingdoms by fairies and pixies. However, why doesn’t anyone ever talk about the kingdom that was overthrown by squirrels? I think that should change.

There are a few lessons I’ve learned from this. Number one, squirrels are squirrels, no matter the color of their fur. Number two, Extreme Uh-oh is dangerous. The community banned it soon after the events of this story took place. Number three, Uh-oh is awesome. Many humans have no idea about this, but Uh-oh is played by thousands of squirrels all over the world. Uh-oh takes many forms, however. I’ve seen some play it to where it’s just for fun, not for acorns. I’ve also seen it done as a dare. Some squirrels are just daredevils. 

After the death of Simon the Crazed, as we call him now, Pippy recovered well. As did I. Pippy saw to it that I was given a new title. It’s rather fitting, I think. Since I don’t know the name of my father, I didn’t have a last name. Well, he saw to it that I did. 

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and squirrels, my name is Ted the Gray.

And I am a squirrel. 

The end. 

Note from the translator. 

When Ted asked me if I’d be willing to tell his story, I was overjoyed. I was also surprised by this game that the squirrels apparently play. The English word, uh-oh, is what I translated the title of the game to. The squirrelish word Ted used was a word that is used to express fear but at the same time exhilaration, but they normally use it as an exclamation. I could not think of an English word for this except for maybe adrenaline. However, we don’t tend to use that word as an exclamation. I just had to make do with uh-oh.

You may have noticed that all the names are rather ordinary: Ted, Carl, Simon, Joe, etc. The reason for this is squirrels have unique names for each other. However, I don’t know how to translate names from squirrelish to English, for Ted was making extremely odd noises when he referred to the names of the different squirrels in his story. Pippy, however, seemed like the perfect name. Ted approved of it. 

The Land of Waterfalls is a real place in the mountains of North Carolina. In the Land of Waterfalls lies a town known as Brevard. Brevard is home to an interesting breed of rodents. Brevard is infested with white squirrels. This is 100% true. Also true, biologically, white squirrels are no different than gray squirrels. The difference in their fur is simply a genetic trait that is passed down.

I hope you enjoyed Ted’s story. This game they play was a secret of the squirrels, but Ted thinks that it’s time the humans know the truth. When squirrels are crossing the road or the Rolly Way, as Ted insisted I call it, they seem to be indecisive as to which way to go. They are not being indecisive, as I once thought. They are just playing a game, similar to the human game, Chicken.

Uh-oh.